I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
