I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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