We're like a lot better than the average bears
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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