I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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