he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
