You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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