And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
