scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
