"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
