he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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