i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
