Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
