garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
zippers are such a cool invention
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
