i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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