Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
