Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
