If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize