shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
