I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
