glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize