Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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