His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
