I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
