remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
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I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
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Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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