He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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