I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
