Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
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at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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