Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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