The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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