HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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