An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
