so that wasnt chicken after all
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Vodka?
Forever.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
