Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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