i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
