Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
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I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
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You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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