Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
