Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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