I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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