we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize