No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
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He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
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Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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