We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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