I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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