at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
