What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize