Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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