3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
sarcasm needs its own font
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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