I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
