Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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