I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize