We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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