My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
