I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
this boner is exhausting
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
