Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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