I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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