people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
