From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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