Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
