He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
