my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize