She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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